In some ways, that's probably good, because it holds you accountable. In some ways, that's probs bad, because it holds you accountable. ALSO, as a leader, or celebrity, or someone with a lot of watchful eyes, its impossible to please everybody. Everybody has a problem with something about you, little or big, and at some point those problems have to be addressed. That is okay.. I am all for fixing myself so that others can be happy, but it just sucks when all the problems have to happen at the same time. Its scary and hard and you can't do anything right and you don't know who to talk to. Besides God of course, but sometimes that's still hard.
Also, speaking of talking, I've somehow developed this new habit where I don't say things out loud.. even if I know I'm not okay. I don't know why this is a habit.. I've just realized more than ever how terrible I am with my words, and I can't make people understand usually. And, even if I could, there is so much going on that I can't just tell one person. Or I could, but I do not think it would do much good... these problems affect so many people, and then the people I could tell about it would tell the other people, or not like those people so they would judge them instead of help. So, I tell God about it, and that is good, but sometimes it is still just so lonely.
Really, when you think about it, humanity kinda sucks (myself included). We love to get wrapped up in our own lives, own groups, own agendas, and we forget about how important people are... how much they matter. Then, we can unknowingly hurt all sorts of people with the way we rush off, or what we tweet, or how we act.
Back to the first part, it sometimes sucks even more when the people who confront you with the issues they have with you are right. More than ever this year, I have let myself get wrapped up in my own little world. For some reason, it was so much easier! I finally knew what it was like to have a group, a group that did lots of things together and just clicked. Apparently, that was a bad idea. Groups are a terrible idea. Because, when you try to move out of your group just a little bit just stick your toes in the water of another groups.. the group gets mad/upset/hurt.. and then the other group feels the same way when you leave. How do you handle that?! Seriously! Why can't everyone just love each other?
Anyways, after that crazy negative post, i think I will just look up some Bible verses about God's love. I think what He is teaching me is that He is so very consistent even when no one or nothing else is, and that He loves me just the way I am... Even if I am messing up in every area. I really am blessed.
Romans 8:37-39 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Matthew 6:24-25 ”No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money. “Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?
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